The Self-Kindness Challenge; Week One
Hey you. I’m so glad you’re here!
This is the first step in getting yourself to a place of more kindness toward yourself. Remember when doing this work, to take it day by day. Looking too far in the future can feel overwhelming and sometimes can beat us before we start. But, if you focus on the baby steps that it requires to treat yourself better, and then hopefully, like yourself better — I’ve found you’ll have more long term success.
There is no secret formula, and just because these things help me doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll help you. But given that you’ve had the desire to start somewhere, I have faith that over time, you’ll get there.
Everyday we have thousands of thoughts. Everything from running lists, inspiration, shower thoughts (like where the term train of thought came from) and what I call our internal monologue.
Our internal monologue is a reflection of the way we treat ourselves both within the world and our own heads. Internal monogluge can be noticing that the pants your wearing are too small and you don’t like the way they make you look. It could be rigidly keeping track of what you’ve eaten for the day and then getting mad at yourself for ‘cheating’. It could be admonishing yourself for something you did. It could be deep feelings of failure, unworthiness or hopelessness.
Despite all the masks that we wear outwardly, internal monologue is the captain of our ship. It relays into our life, and sets us up for failure or success in a great many areas.
Remember; shame is never a good motivator.
When we find ourselves wanting to “be better” and to “work on ourselves” — we can sometimes resort to hyper-positivity. We say things like:
“It’s just a mindset issue.”
”I just need to be positive.”
”I should really be grateful, others have it so much worse.”
”You’re just sensitive, c’mon, be happy!”
While these usually come from a place of genuinely good intentions, what they end up doing is not acknowledging very real, very valid feelings. And I’m sure you know, when they aren’t acknowledged or allowed the freedom to breathe, they come back up in weird, interesting ways. Feelings, are an indicator of the things we value. Instead of shaming ourselves for having feelings, or shoving an excessive amount of positivity on top of them — I recommend sitting with the discomfort.
Step One: Sit With the Feelings
When I say sit with the feelings, I mean, observe how you’re feeling during the day. Observe how you talk to yourself, observe how you treat yourself. Try to make these observations free from judgment, or an overwhelming desire for them to go away. Just observe. If you have a good amount of reserved emotional energy while you’re observing, ask yourself one or more of these questions:
“What is this uncomfortable feeling telling me?”
”Where is this uncomfortable feeling coming from?”
”Was this feeling triggered by something?”
Remember: your feelings aren’t always REAL but they are always VALID.
It’s easier said than done, I know. And trust me, it takes practice. But you’ll slowly start to find the more you practice it, the more it becomes easier to allow them the space to exist, and by extension, the freedom to let them go.
Step Two: Let Them Go
That’s right. We’re not going to try to deconstruct all of your feelings in one week — that would take far too much time and emotional energy. Remember, baby steps. After observing/monitoring how we’re feeling and how we’re talking to ourselves, we can freely let them go. Make an acknowledgment that they’re there because they serve a purpose, and they’re there for a reason — but that they don’t serve you to hang around forever, and dwelling on the discomfort will start to become detrimental if you dwell on them too long.
When letting go, I find these phrases helpful.
(Sometimes I say them literally out loud for assurance)
“I see you. I acknowledge you. I let you go.”
”I understand your value, thank you for teaching me.”
”I don’t have the emotional energy to wade through this right now, but I’ll revisit this feeling when I can manage understanding it completely.”
Your homework for this week:
Observe both how you’re feeling, and how you’re talking to yourself.
Acknowledge those feelings (internal monologue), and let them go.