A dress handed down
Blisters from new high heels
The bouquet is fake

Elvis in platforms
My husband takes the limo
I take a taxi

- alone in Vegas on my wedding night

— Danica Sommer

During my most recent brand ambassador shoot I was transiting literally 16 million things all involving Neptune and Venus — if you’re not into astro, just like, disregard — and I was feeling a little spacey and out of ideas for a concept shoot. I pulled up all the garments I have that aren’t just straight up lingerie including this handmade crochet wedding dress that I ordered for my first wedding.

I don’t talk much about my first wedding (as it wasn’t even a legal ceremony) but my first major relationship (and resulting breakup) was tumultuous at best, and abusive at worst. The experience of being with that human lives in my body in ways I’m constantly surprised by. ANYWAY. This is what I wore to our “wedding”. I’ve held onto the dress for a long time — it seems too beautiful to get rid of but I have at several points thought about how to cleanse its energy.

I have used this outfit combination before when I tried to take self portraits — are you ready for this — exactly two years ago to the DAY. Exactly two years before this shoot with Danica (my brand ambassador and soul mate, pictured here) I donned this exact outfit and tried to take self portraits to somehow evolve this dress into something that didn’t hang heavy in my house. (Top two photos are mine two years ago versus hers now)

I realized all this after the shoot. During the editing of the photos. Danica texted me after the shoot before she saw the photos and said, “that shoot was impactful for us, and I’m not sure why.” This is why.

Timing is so fucked. SO. FUCKED. For all the big things and horrifying change and loss I’ve had to endure in the past six months (I am so fucking winded y’all) the world still persistently slips in these moments of timeliness and humanity. The universe offers moments of, “it’s hard but look how beautiful it is.”

Anyway … I’m going to stop talking now. Enjoy the rest of the photos.