The Self-Kindness Challenge; Week Three
Welcome back!
This is the third instalment in the self-kindness challenge. If you missed the first and second instalment, make sure you read those first! I hope that you found the first and second weeks to be helpful in some small way. If you feel like sharing with me how your progress is, make sure you tag me on social media!
Anyway… without further ado, welcome to the third week! Allowing yourself to be seen. *Insert intro music here*
The first big, impactful step I made toward being okay with myself for the first time in … probably my whole life, was when I started taking my own picture. What I didn’t know then, was that it didn’t have anything to do with photography, or being “sexy”. Instead, it had everything to do with allowing myself the to be seen, allowing myself to occupy space free from judgment or restriction. As I am.
When I started to deconstruct why this step was so impactful, I realized that it had been years since I allowed myself to be seen. Really seen. For who I was, not as I desired to be. I avoided mirrors and reflective surfaces, I didn’t allow other humans to pay me compliments, I hated having my photo taken (ironic I know) and when I did, there was always a million things wrong with it. And that feeling of nothing being enough relayed into my life too.
I wasn’t successful enough. I wasn’t thin enough. I wasn’t strong enough. I wasn’t … enough.
So when I saw my own image for the first time (my whole self, not just my face), I was taken aback. All of a sudden, the years of me being afraid of what I looked like didn’t have so much power. I realized that I had spent so much time building up my perceived imperfections, when they weren’t imperfections or perfections. They were just things.
My evolution with seeing myself happened really fast because I’m a photographer and I take my own picture A LOT. But I realized that this concept could be relayed into anyones life, not just someone who takes photos for a living. Giving yourself the curtesy of taking up space is the best gift you can give yourself. Once I started on my self portrait journey, I was hooked. Not because of the photos, but because of how I felt after. Because of the impact it had on my life beyond my work.
I was closer with my husband, my friends and most importantly, myself. I became more patient with myself, my body image didn’t carry so much weight anymore — all of sudden — I was unburdened. I felt lighter, freer. Like I was able to enjoy this body for the first time in years. This feeling I found from such a simple act, is one I’m immensely grateful for.
Also the first time I fell in love with the shape my back rolls make .
So you say, “Meg! I don’t have a fancy camera or a slick backdrop, how am I supposed to do the same thing?” To which I say, it’s not about the camera or the photos, it’s about seeing yourself. So how does a person literally see themselves? Well, it depends on where you are in your journey, but here’s where I’d start.
Homework: The Mirror Exercise
If you have a full length mirror, utilize it now. But, a bathroom mirror or even the front camera on your phone will work in a pinch. For 2 or 3 minutes, stand in front of your mirror. If it’s fresh out of the shower, when you first wake up, when you pass by it on your way to the washing machine. Just look.
I know for alot of people, looking at their entire naked self can be hard, so figure out where you’re at the edge of discomfort and look at that part. If that’s your whole self, great. If that’s just your head, great. There’s no wrong way to start seeing yourself.
While you’re looking at yourself, observe where your thoughts go. Here’s where you practice your skills from Week One. Observe them, and let them go. Do this practice everyday for a week, and if you’re feeling really ambitious, keep a log of what feelings it brings up each day. Observe where those feelings go over the week.
Over time, if you find you get better at this or just comfortable with this, here are some things you can try:
Allowing your photo to be taken. By someone else or just by yourself
Allowing people to pay you compliments
Wearing the thing you love but have been too scared to wear
Get ready for yourself, not someone else
You get it. Being seen is different for everyone depending on where they start with themselves — a radical act of being seen for one, can be something someone else already does. There’s no wrong way to take up space.
If you want to follow along with other humans, I’ll be hosting discussion prompts in my safe Facebook community — a place for women and non-binary humans comfortable in a space that centres the experience of women. Link for the group can be found below!
